Baby & Me: Our Story

Dear Friends,
It's been a while since I've written, and my life could hardly have changed with greater impact since my last post. As you recall, I was going along, enjoying the joys and woes of pregnancy, counting down as the weeks grew fewer and fewer till it was time for our baby to arrive!

Then I started to notice that my feet were swelling. It got worse and worse, and what I had not previously known about swollen feet is that they hurt a lot, too. I showed my doctor on a Friday in April, and he instructed me to stay off my feet all weekend to see if there was any improvement. By the next day, there was a slight improvement, but it didn't last. So I went back on Monday, and they checked my blood pressure. Then they checked again. Then they had me sit quietly for a while, and they checked again. The third check earned me a fast-pass ticket to the hospital. My doctor said I'd go for 6 hours to see if being on bed rest there brought it down, and if it didn't, I'd have to stay overnight. I wasn't happy about the prospect of staying at the hospital, but surely things wouldn't come to that, I thought, so I went to the hospital and checked in without running home to get anything or take care of any business that needed attention. The Black Belt joined me, and soon my doctor arrived (he walked in right as I was coming out of the bathroom, of all the timing...) to tell me that my blood pressure was still high, so I needed to stay. I was okay with that until they brought me dinner. Wow. Talk about embracing sterotypes. Hospital food really does suck!

Anyway, just so this story isn't 18 pages long, I will tell you that it was a rough night, with The Black Belt sleeping on the lousy pull-out chair and me with the blood pressure cuff going off every hour and nurses coming in to make sure I was still alive, or whatever they were doing. Amazingly enough, this did NOT bring down my blood pressure, so the verdict was that I for sure had pre-eclampsia; I was going to stay at the hospital; and we were going to have to start preparing for the possibility of delivering the baby.

That was a shocker to me, because I hadn't really entertained that possibilty when my doctor mentioned it earlier in his office. They started me on steroids, and that is what really made the reality hit me, because I knew they wouldn't do that if this baby wasn't going to be born soon. But these steroids were supposed to help the baby but also possibly slow down the progession of my pre-eclampsia, so maybe we'd be able to delay delivery somewhat. However, on Wednesday morning, my doctor came in and said that I hadn't improved enough, "so we're going to have a baby." I will admit that I was shocked again and a little heartbroken. This was not how this was supposed to go! BUT, he said they'd wait till 5:00, and if I was okay, they'd wait till Thursday, but if not, they'd do it that night.

That sent us into another dither (we'd had a few already by this point, but I spared you the details), calling parents and friends and also just looking at each other, going, "Is this really happening?" I mean..."You're going to have your baby tonight," is not something I was used to hearing. Also, just as a fun addition to the whole situation, as my doctor was heading out the door, he said, "Oh, and no more eating." Those of you who know me probably know that I do NOT do well when I am hungry. And it was only about 11:30 in the morning. And I was already hungry. Also, they put in an IV, "just to be ready," and I kept banging it on stuff accidentally. I wrote in my journal, "So I'm about ready to take up swearing." It was a loooong day. I got crankier and crankier and by late afternoon, I was sobbing. The Black Belt finally tracked down my doctor, insisting that he tell us if the surgery would be that night (in which case I would need to keep fasting), or the next day (in which case I could eat). He said we could wait till the next day, so The Black Belt immediately went to Chili's and bought me a bowl of chicken enchilada soup and a BLT. I was much happier after that. I love The Black Belt.

The doctor came in later and said that he had realized that seeing as how I was well enough to delay the surgery until the next day, if I stayed at that level, we didn't HAVE to do the surgery on Thursday. GAH. Talk about an emotional roller coaster! There had been so many surprises and shocks already that I felt a little numb after this announcement. (And each announcement like this meant more phone calls to family!) So now we were really hopeful that we could delay our delivery a few days or even weeks if I just stayed where I was!

I didn't sleep at all that night. No exaggeration. My IV hurt and I couldn't get comfortable in the lousy hospital bed. They took my blood at 4:00 a.m. and gave me my last steroid shot at 5:00 a.m. When she came in at 5:00, she told me that my doctor was satisfied enough with my blood test that we could postpone the surgery till at least Monday!! I was sooooo relieved not only that we weren't having to deliver for a few more days, but also because my doctor was going out of town Friday to Sunday, so if I had to deliver over the weekend, he wouldn't have been the one to do it, and I really wanted my doctor to deliver me. It was kind of funny, though, because so many people had been expecting that we were delivering that day that we got lots of text messages from people wishing us luck. It was much appreciated, and I felt bad having to say, "Just kidding! We've postponed again!" The Black Belt celebrated by going to work, and I tried to take a nap but was continually interrupted. I felt surprising lonely when I woke up, so it was kind of a rough afternoon. The Black Belt stayed at work as long as he could but then went back to our house and took what was probably the deepest nap of his life. We had pizza for dinner, more phone calls to family, and we watched the Project Runway finale. :-)

At this point in the story, my journal-writing ends with, "They gave me Ambian tonight to try to help me sleep better. We'll see." Now I have to do the rest from memory, and this is where things get hazy, because it's no coincidence that I stopped writing in my journal. Friday was probably a normal day, with us thinking that we were just riding out the weekend. Friday night did not go so well, however. It started with an awful nurse and that dang crick in my neck. Most of my nurses had been super helpful, but this one was kind of a bucket of rocks. When I told her something was bothering me, her response was sort of like, "What do you want me to do about it?" Didn't take long before I hated her. I know I took an Ambian again, but my neck hurt so badly, and I was having trouble breathing clearly, that I just couldn't sleep (though I was groggy from the medicine). I decided to go for a walk in the middle of the night, but I don't think I was thinking very clearly. I remember one of my nurses from the night before found me and asked what I was doing in the hall in bare feet, and I said, "I'm looking for help." Then I had about four different nurses helping me back into bed, and I don't remember much after that.

I should've realized I wasn't doing very well, but I guess I was too out of it. Saturday morning my favorite nurse Sonia was back in charge of me, and she told me that I needed to prepare myself to deliver my baby because I was not doing well. I was very surprised (again), because I thought we had until at least Monday! And my doctor was gone! This was exactly what I DIDN'T want. But Sonia looked at me and said, "You need to deliver this baby now." I'm still not sure I fully appreciate what kind of trouble I was in at that point, but suddenly, it was time to deliver!

It just so happens that my wonderful sister-in-law had come to town that morning to help some friends of mine get my house organized for us since we'd left it in quite a state. My mom was also on her way, thinking she was just coming to keep me company in the hospital while The Black Belt finally got some work done. Surprise to them! The Black Belt and my sister-in-law helped me get all changed and ready, and we called and texted everyone again. The Black Belt's phone call to his parents was very sweet.

I remember as they started to wheel me into the OR what a surreal feeling it was. I was about to deliver my baby! I was about to be a mom! Even now, I get teary-eyed thinking about that moment. They had The Black Belt wait outside while I got all prepped. One thing I haven't mentioned yet is that apparently because of my lung issues, I had everyone on high alert for my delivery. The L&D and anasthesiology people were very aware that I was a special case, so they were ready to treat me very, very carefully. (Still not sure if that's comforting or not.) Sonia came with me and held me in a big bear hug while I got my epidural, because I was so nervous about everything. I asked everyone in the room if they'd washed their hands and got a big laugh, so I guess I still had my wits about me at that point. :-) When I was ready, they let The Black Belt in, and I was so glad to see him! Then I saw the doctor (this OTHER doctor who was NOT my doctor) come in just before they put that curtain up that blocked me from seeing them cutting me open. One of the anasthesiologists started to tell me what the doctor was doing, but I said, "It's okay. You don't have to narrate!" (I did not want to know that the pressure I was feeling was from a knife, for example.) Instead, I asked The Black Belt to tell me the story of how we met. (Several weeks later, one of the nurses who'd be in the room that day told me that she'd thought that was very sweet.) I just focused on the story and the happy memories and how blessed I am, though I was thinking in the back of my head, "I thought this was supposed to be quick! What the heck is taking so long??" In reality, I don't think it took very long, because pretty soon they were saying, "Here he is! Get ready to look!" Then they pulled down the curtain and showed me my baby.

I had often thought about what that moment would be like, when I first saw my baby. It was not like I'd expected. (Nothing about this story was like what I'd expected.) How could I have prepared for a moment like that? I looked up and saw a baby. A real, 10-fingered, 10-toed, crying baby. A few seconds ago, there wasn't a baby. And now there was! And it was MY baby! A few seconds ago, I didn't have a baby. And now I did! This baby that I'd been dreaming about and wondering about and wishing for was suddenly right there in front of me. He had long, skinny arms and legs and a deeper cry than most babies. I wanted to look and look and look, but I only got a quick, wonderful glance, and then they took him away. I lay my head back down and waited for my surgery to be over, but everything felt different now. I was a mother.

Stay tuned for part 2 -- The ICU & Me: A Series of Unfortunate Events