I Thought it Would Be More Like That Movie, Runaway Jury

Some of you may remember from a previous post that I was summoned to jury duty last week. Since I managed to get all my school work done before the day of the trial, I had no problem once it arrived. In fact, I was looking forward to some time away from work. We were supposed to be at the courthouse by 8:00, and thinking it would be poor form to show up late to jury duty, I got there a little early, along with several other people. We got to wait outside in the freezing cold for them to unlock the doors. You tell ME who showed poor form.

They have, I think, 37 signs on the doors, telling everyone that "CAMERA PHONES ARE NOT PERMITTED IN THIS BUILDING." Some of the posters attempted illustration, I guess to help those who can't read, but they mostly served to amuse me. If I had to guess what those pictures meant, I would've assumed they were warning us that the building was sending off radioactive waves from its tallest tower. (Actually, I guess it's possible that that's also true.) We had to go through the metal detector, and I was surprised that I didn't hear the guards telling anyone to go put their phones in their cars. Apparently for this jury, they managed to find the only 29 people on the planet who read signs.

We all rode up the elevator together and walked into a courtroom that looked a lot like a chapel, except there were no hymnbook holders on the backs of the pews. This is how I knew. I also saw a sign that said, "DO NOT TALK TO THE INMATES IN THE JURY BOX." I thought this was odd, because I didn't think they'd be allowed up there, but I made a mental note of the warning all the same. I sat down and read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows until something happened. The bailiff (who I'm pretty sure was in some of my classes in my undergrad program) gave us some questionnaires to fill out. Most questions were the expected, "Where do you work? Are you a felon? You're not from Canada, are you?" But we also had to list two people we most admire and two people we least admire. What would YOU have put for those questions?

I filled out mine fast so I could read more Harry Potter. Then the bailiff came back and put in a video. It was delightfully bad. Since the jury selection process hasn't changed since the early '80's, they've been able to use the same video since then. All the people in it were originally outraged that they had to go to jury duty, but then they realized that it was their responsibility as citizens of this wonderful country in which we live. And if they were ever on trial, they'd want a jury of people who took their role seriously, so that's what they were going to do as well! One poor fellow wasn't chosen for the jury, and he struggled with questions like, "Why didn't they choose me? Did I do something wrong?" (The answer is yes. He grew a mullet.) The people who were chosen were grateful for their opportunity to serve, and a lot of inspiring music played. Then I read more Harry Potter.

We were then moved into our numbered seats, which were much more crowded and much less comfortable. And someone near me had really bad breath. The judge came in, and the bailiff really said, "All rise!" This was exciting to me. The judge was nice and went through the jury selection process (apparently she doesn't think the video's that good, either) and then told us what the case was. Oh, also, the lawyers and defendant came in at some point. Not sure when. But don't worry; I didn't talk to them.

Then they started with the questions. We had to tell her if we knew the defendant, his lawyer, the prosecuting attorney, or any of the lawyers that work in their offices. Then we had to tell her if we knew any of the other potential jurors. This took a while. (The breath smell did not get better.) She also asked more questions similar to the ones on the questionnaires from the beginning, and then she and the lawyers went out to make their decisions. But they came back out shortly after, because the lawyers said they needed to see our faces as they were deciding. "Everyone just act natural." Fun.

At long last, they read the names of the people who'd been chosen to stay and be on the jury. I wasn't chosen, so I got to leave. I wouldn't have minded staying, but I was really starving by then, so I was glad I got to go get something to eat.