Who Else Wants to Know About My Medical Problems?

Dear friends, before you run shrieking from the room after seeing the title of this post, let me assure you that I will not be revealing any of my medical problems here today. I will also not be revealing any of my medical successes, pickles, or achievements. You see, I do not like to discuss medical situations, good or bad, in public (or in private), because they are no one's business, and normal people should be absolutely horrified at the thought that someone might ACTUALLY tell them something about their hemmorrhoids, cervix dialation, intestinal blockage, their mother's intestinal blockage, or foot fungus.

But I digress. I am actually writing today to discuss a phenomenon that, though it occurs regularly, makes no sense to me. I am talking about what happens when you make an appointment with your doctor's office. They always ask you during that call, "What do you need to be seen for?" I guess this is a valid question. They want to know about how long to make your appointment. Having a hangnail removed is probably not going to take as long as, say, brain surgery. So it makes sense for me to tell them.

Then you get to your appointment, and the nurse takes you back to get your weight, blood pressure, and temperature. They also take you back to ask you what you need to be seen for.

This is where it stops making so much sense to me, because didn't I already tell them that when I made the appointment? At least now I understand why they took my blood pressure before removing my hangnail. They weren't worried that I'd pass out at the sight of the clippers; they just didn't know that's what I was in for today! But even though you've already told someone else once, you tell the nurse why you're there, and she says, "Ok," and jots some things down.

You are then taken to the room where the doctor will actually be. After you've sat quietly for the requisite amount of time, in walks the doc, he/she asks how you're doing, and then, "So, what are we seeing you for today?"

GNNGHH!!! Aren't these people communicating at all?? If the nurse didn't pass her notes onto the doctor, then what the heck was she writing down? "Note to self: 'Swollen colon' would make a great title for that Blues number I've been working on." By this time, you've already had to reveal at least twice that your armpits have sprouted some sort of blue rash, or that your belly button, which used to be an outie, is now an innie, and you're concerned about that, or some other horribly embarrassing and personal botheration. Now the doctor is making you explain it AGAIN?

My only guess is that they do this to break us down so much that when the appointment gets around to the "take off your pants and put this on" stage, we have no dignity left anyway, so we comply without argument.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go rub some cream on my armpits.