Miss Berrie vs. The Toilet

Somehow I don't feel like this post is a great fit to go after my wedding pictures, but we can't control everything in our lives, can we? But now that we're somewhat settled into our house, I'm here to write about some of the experiences I've had since I've become a housewife.

When we moved into our house, we noticed that occasionally the toilet would randomly start running, which The Black Belt said was due to a leaky flackspruger (or at least, that's what I think he said). It would slowly let water out of the tank, and when enough drained out, the toilet would recognize the lower water level, and it would let more in to refill itself. (That makes my toilet sound very smart, doesn't it? I had no idea.)

I had already been to Ace Hardware three times in our short time here, so I just couldn't bring myself to going back. They already practically greeted me with cold lemonade out of my own personal mug and said, "And what wrong part will you be returning today, Miss Berrie?" when I walked in. So I thought I'd wait a few days to go back and get whatever part was needed to stop my toilet from driving The Black Belt crazy.

That day did not present itself immediately, so the toilet remained as it was. A little water running every so often wasn't the end of the world, right? Well, that's what I thought until one day (the day I dropped one of my favorite necklaces down the bathroom sink, in fact), when I was already feeling rather downtrodden about all things plumbing-related, The Black Belt announced, "The toilet's clogged, by the way."

*SIGH* GREAT. I had hitherto been enjoying my days at home, but I knew it would be impossible to enjoy a day at home with no working toilet. He said, "It's not a big deal. We just need a plunger to fix it." This caused me to reflect on past projects similar to plunging a toilet that I have attempted in the past, and how I invariably fail at such efforts. Also, I had never plunged a toilet, nor held a used toilet plunger, nor talked about toilet plungers. (That's just not how I roll.) But I knew that I could either spend all day darting from public building to public building, as my natural needs required, or I could try to figure out how to plunge a toilet.

I got up the next morning, and,...what's the first thing YOU do when you get up? Well, I didn't do that. My toilet was clogged, remember? What I DID was usher The Black Belt off to school as quickly as possible and then hauled it to McDonald's as fast as I could. I took care of my business there (and treated myself to a sausage biscuit). I felt much better. This wouldn't be such a bad day after all. And, look there, right across the street was a Walgreens! I thought they probably had plungers there! I practically skipped to my car, full of joy at how well this was playing out after all.

I slid into my car, shut the door behind me, and then stopped. I didn't usually "slide" into my car. The joyful look on my face turned to confusion as I thought about how I possibly slide into my seat, and then to horror as I remembered that one could only slide onto leather seats, and my car did not have leather seats. "THIS IS NOT MY CAR!!!" I realized! I had slidden into SOMEONE ELSE'S CAR! I jumped out, keeping that look of horror on my face in case anyone (like the owner of the car) saw me, so they would know that I was just as horrified as they were to find myself in their vehicle. I jumped into my car and then hightailed it across to Walgreens, which I now wished was much further away from the crime scene than just across the street.

But I made it home without getting arrested, and I even bought a plunger in the process. I still had absolutely no confidence that I would be able to make any sort of positive difference in the toilet situation, but I had to try. I went in and tried to use the plunger in the manner The Black Belt had instructed and waited for the desired result. Well, not surprisingly, nothing happened, except that my arms got very tired, and I think some water may have splashed on me, but we're pretending it didn't.

After a while of this charade, it occured to me that perhaps the internet would provide some helpful hints about correct toilet plunging techniques. And sure enough, it did! A quick Google search revealed that there are, in fact, TWO kinds of plungers, and I had purchased the wrong kind. So, guess where I went. Ace Hardware! They had the kind of plunger I had already gotten (the cheapest kind), a midgrade kind that was the one I was looking for, and an expensive bells-and-whistles kind. Guess which ones they were out of. Right again! So I went home with a fancy toilet plunger. I appreciate the finer things in life, you see.

I got home with the new plunger and still couldn't fix the toilet, so I did what any other normal girl would do and started crying. When The Black Belt got home, he fixed it in about 10 seconds, and all was well again. Except for the fact that it still kept running. After all that, I really couldn't handle going back to Ace Hardware again, so I let several weeks pass. Finally, on a day when I was feeling particularly virtuous, I went back to Ace Hardware. And sure enough, they immediately approached me and asked how they could help, like they thought I didn't know what I was doing there! A nice man showed me what to get (turns out it's called a "flapper"), and he showed me how to install it. I listened to him, amused at his confidence, and politely thanked him and came home.

But you know what? It really didn't sound that hard. So, I got out my home repair book and looked up how to turn the water off. I did that. I looked in the toilet to see out the old flapper was in there. And then I just went for it and put the new flapper in! It even looked right! No water gushed out onto the floor or spewed into the air, and it even stopped leaking! That's what I actually meant for it to do!

So, my friends, I am proud to say, that I, Miss Berrie, have fixed my toilet.